halloween

as i sit here munching on a mini- mr big bar (is that an oxymoron?), i got to thinking about halloween. i don't much like halloween really. it seems to me that it's a day for men to dress like women and women to dress like whores. and for kids to get fat. perhaps i've grown cynical because i know i loved it when i was a kid (is there a kid who doesn't love it? i mean, free candy) but it just seems like such an unusual "holiday".

with its roots in paganism, then christianity (and really, don't all holidays have these roots), the tradition of halloween has really been bastardized over the years. in times past, people dressed up as spirits and ghouls so they could protect their souls and "trick the spirits" who visited the earth on october 31st. now people dress up as whatever they can dream up to go and snag free candy.

i'm not really sure why i don't like halloween anymore. it could be the mortal fear i had of clowns as a child, but i doubt it. i loved halloween as a kid. i loved dressing up in a (hand-me down) costume, grabbing my pillow case and running out the door to get treats from my neighbours. i loved sitting on the floor with my siblings (territory marked out by bags of chips) and swapping things i didn't like (thank god for siblings!). i remember watching garfield halloween and charlie brown's great pumpkin. i listened to thriller. you know the drill. 

but as i got older, halloween lost its magic. boys started dressing like girls. girls started dressing sluttier, more concerned about looking hot than having a great costume (i challenge you to go to a shop and scan the lady-costumes. they will almost all have names like "sexy cat" and "hot cop"). 

i've tried to pin down the reason behind it. maybe i'm just overwhelmed by it all. i find the notion of choosing a costume to be a bit much (especially as my options would be pretty limited...sexy cat perhaps?). i need boundaries, limits. i need themes. halloween is a bit too laissez-faire for me. a bit vague. 

i suppose it's also possible that i just don't like the rest of things associated to halloween. i hate being scared. i really do. my imagination is far too active to watch scary movies because for the next week/month it's all i can think about (i can still see that damn mask from Scream taunting me...). i'm not much of a spider fan. and bats -whilst super handy for eliminating insects- are not the kind of creatures i like having around on a regular basis. no, me and halloween don't really get along. 

except for pumpkins. the one thing i love about halloween is pumpkins. there's nothing quite like laying out the newspaper on the floor, and cleaning the guts out of your pumpkin before carving a clever little face onto it and lighting it up with a candle. and once the jack o'lantern has been used for the night, you can turn him into a lovely soup or other such tasty meal. 

but if i really think about it, i feel like my deep seeded dislike for halloween really comes down to a comment my friend made recently: "when did halloween become a thing in australia?" she asked. her answer was when the marketing folks decided it should be so. i laughed and said that this is why it's a big thing in north america too. i can picture snack food company executives licking their lips at the idea of a holiday that encourages people to dish out free candy to kids. and other companies loving the idea of people spending money on all the crap that goes with it. yes, i realize all north american "holidays" are manufactured by the same companies, but it doesn't make it right. it really doesn't. 

don't worry, i'm not all cynicism about halloween. i even went and bought a large box of mini chocolate bars for my neighbours kids, on the off chance that they wanted to knock on my door tonight. not that it really did any good, as j and i both got home far too late to dish out treats. so now i have a large box of bite sized sweets just waiting to be eaten. 

i suppose i'll just go grab another mini-mr.big and be happy that there are some good things about halloween...

xo

frenchies

i am french canadian. i was raised bilingually by my parents and lived in a bilingual town. my first words were french. my school was french. i went to french church. my friends were bilingual. my holidays and celebrations are french canadian. i have a last name that most english-only speakers can't pronounce. i celebrate things like la ste-catherine and la st jean baptiste. christmas seems wrong when it's in english. you get my point.

when i was 18, i moved away from home to a more anglophone region of canada (nova scotia). i had to deal with re-learning things like chemistry and anatomy in english and having people point out my "inconsistencies" in english because i used french syntax and french-isms when i spoke english. things i'd never noticed before. but then all of my friends did it too.

slowly, steadily english took over. i only spoke french with friends back home and to my dad. i still read french books but other things were hard to come by. then i moved to the netherlands. then to southern ontario. then to australia. slowly, steadily improving my english, losing all indications of french. but never my french-canadian heritage and culture.

and now i'm in quebec.

when i first moved here, i was horrified by my french. i could speak properly (sort of) but i lost the ability to chit chat with friends. i struggled to discuss physio in french. i was embarrassed. my friends told me to not be so hard on myself. i'd been living away from french language and culture for over 12 years and i studied (all things relevant) in english.

slowly, steadily it came back. it took longer then i'd hoped because i work in english, i'm married to an english-speaking east coaster and i live in montreal, where english and spanish are just as prominent. i'm generally confident with it and feel like i've regained the piece of my life that was missing in the past.

and then i remember (or is it reminded?) that i live in quebec.

you see, the quebecois (for the most part) don't seem to know that there exists a french-canada outside of the province (which is ironic because they would never call themselves french-canada. rather quebec). when i meet new people (new, i'll point out. not friends) i get one of the 2 following statements.

the first:  (in the most patronizing tone you can imagine) "where did you learn your cute little french?" (said in french). i used to be surprised at the question, now i'm just annoyed. my answer is "i'm from ontario". they reply "yes, but why do you know french? it's quite good you know (gasp)". again "i'm from ontario. a town about 25 mins from the border". "uhm hmm. i don't understand. are your parents quebecois?" "no, no they're not. my father is french. french-ontarian. my mom is english". they look perplexed; how can this be?

the second (and let me say, this one pisses me off more then anything): me chatting for a minute. them, interrupting me to boldly say something along the lines of "are you an anglophone?" ("no, i'm bilingual") or "...and yet your name is very french" ("ya. i know"), implying that my french sucks (and my friends wonder why i lose confidence). keep in mind that for the most part, i don't really know the people who say these things to me. they're strangers who feel the need to point out that my french is different than - and therefore not as good as- theirs.

i don't know if i can adequately explain how irritating it is to have someone say either one of those things to me on repeated occasions. the first is ignorant (there are some 2.5 million people who speak french as a first language in the rest of canada. not including the bilingual folk out there). the second is rude. assuming that the way you speak a language is the the only way it's meant to be spoken is very arrogant (should i even mention what my france-french friends think of quebec-french?).

language is amazing in that it can be so adaptable and fluid with so many dialects and local expressions. it's all part of its richness. when someone uses different words or slang, it doesn't mean it's wrong. it's just different.

and yes, my french is different than theirs. but you know what? that's ok. i don't want my accent to be a quebec accent because i'm not from quebec. i'm from ontario.

and i am french canadian.
xo

naked

i've been a slacker. i admit that at the end of the day, i have not been motivated to come home and sit at our computer and type. not just on the blog, but on facebook, twitter and even plain ol' email. perhaps it's because all i want to do at the end of the day is sit on the couch and think of nothing. or perhaps it's because the stool in front of the computer is dreadfully uncomfortable. either way, nothing has been happening.  not that things haven't been "happening" but they're just not ending up on screen.

so here i am. back at it. i swear.

what motivated me to get back on the blogging? well, whilst out for a walk with j, i was regaling him with a situation at the gym. we laughed and then i thought "hmmm. good blog fodder? i think so!". the spark has been re-ignited. so, what was this incident you ask? nakedness. obviously.

i go to a swanky gym. the kind of gym that i'm surprised they let me into because i show up in jogging pants and sneakers with my hair in a ponytail instead of skin tight lulu pants and heels with makeup on. but i suppose we're paying, so they're cool with us. in this fancy gym of mine, there is a wonderful locker room filled with amenities galore. sauna, spa, steam room, relaxation room, showers, lockers and lots of space to sit in front of mirrors and prepare yourself for the day (using the spa products, of course). and here in lies the problem.

i'm not sure why it happens or what inspires these ladies to be so blazé, but they just plunk down in front of these mirrors in the buff. why i ask, why? don't get me wrong, i'm all for nudity (really i am)... in the appropriate places. sure, i suppose a gym locker room is an "appropriate place". but let me ask you this: what is the point of sitting naked when you're styling your hair or doing your makeup? could you not just wrap the towel around yourself instead of sitting on it? i just don't get it. sure, in the sauna. sure, in the steam room. sure when you're changing. but sitting for 30 minutes, doing your thing in the nude. i'm sorry ladies, that just seems gratuitous.

what brought forth the discussion today though was the 65 year old lady with 20 year old breasts (that her ex-husband probably paid for... am i stereotyping?). i'm not sure there is a much more disturbing vision as an older lady, wrinkled and tanned (obviously) with incredibly perky breasts. it's just not right. it's even less right when she's sitting in front of the mirror in all her perky nakedness, styling her long blonde hair (and trying to relive her glory days?)

j was asking me if i thought this was a quebec thing, given that "they're more european" (his words, not mine) because the men's locker room was just as bad.  i laughed but couldn't answer. i've never been to a gym like this before, so i'm not sure. but it's possible i guess.  the french-canadians have a much more laissez-fair attitude to nudity and all things related. but i'm french canadian. and i really don't have an issue with nudity. but sometimes, enough is enough.

i'm just glad i don't use the men's locker room.
xo