ok, here's the thing. as soon as someone says that, they're going to be rude. "i don't mean to be rude, but that guy is ugly". guess what? that's rude! it's right up there with "don't take this the wrong way", "i'm not trying to be racist" or "no offense". all of these are clearly setting you up for exactly that: racist or offensive comments that will certainly be taken the wrong way. obviously.
i've always wondered where the idea that if-i-open-the-sentence-with-the-obvious-people-can't-get-mad-at-me came from. who was it that looked their friend in the eye and said "no offense but you look fat in those jeans! what?! i said 'no offense'". i imagine that the first few times someone tried to get away with it involved some tears, some rage and possibly some fist-fighting. now it's just part of acceptable culture. a bit sad really.
i'm not sure if it's because i'm getting older or what, but i'll now tell people exactly how i feel about those satements. when someone says "no offense" i call it as it is and say "but you're going to be offensive..." it kind of throws them. like they can't believe i called them on it. well guess what? i did. i'm just trying to do my part -educating one person at a time- that if you're going to say something rude, well damn it! just say it. i'll decide if it's offensive or not and i will make sure you know it too.
if this (free) education comes at the expense of them being flustered and embarrassed, so be it. i'm willing to accept that responsibility. because, no offense, it's just rude not too.
xo
Not to point out you're being offensive, but you're being offensive.
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